Let’s go over a couple situations you’ll encounter out in the dating market pertaining to flaky women.
First Date Problem #1 – She Cancels Last Minute
It’s an hour before you’re leaving for the first date, suddenly, you get the “I have to cancel” text.
The right response depends on the clues she gave you in her message.
First, and obviously, what’s the reason?
Is it something legit like “I just got in a wreck driving home from work” or hollow, like “My best friend got dumped by her boyfriend, and she really needs me tonight.”
Legit explanations get a pass; hollow excuses mean you may never reach out to her again.
Second, and more important, did she suggest a counter-date?
Whether or not she offers a counter-date is huge.
“I’m sorry, I have to cancel” is way different from “I’m sorry, I have to cancel but how’s next Tuesday instead?”
If she reschedules, roll with it. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
If she just cancels on you with no mention of rescheduling, you have direct evidence of a low-interest woman. I wouldn’t ask her out again under those circumstances.
If she cancels with a vague reference to getting together, but no specific date – like “Something’s come up tonight. Maybe we can try again sometime next week – odds are 50/50 that you’ll get the date.
Your best response is (we cover this in the full course, which you can access here).
First Date Problem #2 – She Wants to Change-up Your Date Last-Minute
You’ve probably experienced a last-minute change-up request.
From an annoyance perspective, it can be mild, like: “Sorry, but my boss sprang something on me last minute. I’m running late. Can we push back our start-time 30 minutes?”
Or it can be medium: “Sorry, but I’ve been running late all day. I’m an hour behind. Is that okay?”
Or high: “So, this has been a crazy day and I’m wiped out! Any chance you’d come closer to my place instead of The Tap Room? There’s a wine bar on 5th that would be a lot easier for me.”
Again, your response depends on the nature of her adjustment.
If her explanation seems reasonable, like the last-minute work-thing from her boss, just roll with it if your schedule permits.
After all, the source of the delay seems to have originated outside of her. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
But some women will throw a curveball your way simply as a test. They want to see how you’ll respond, and whether they can push you around.
So, if her explanation is less credible, and/or you’re getting the feeling that she’s testing you, or possibly even trying to get out of the date, you always have the option of calling her bluff and rescheduling.
“Totally understand, but that start-time is a little late for me tonight. Let’s just reschedule on another evening that works better. What nights are open for you next week?”
But that’s your trump card, so you may not want to play that at first. There are other options to try at first.
For example, if you want to keep the date but maintain your strength – if you suspect she’s testing you – then take a play out of your poker handbook...
“See her bet, and raise it.”
Basically, you bend, but then you ask her to bend even further. Something like…
“Yeah, we can push it back. But if you’re running 30 minutes late, let’s just push it back to a full hour. I can use that time to knock out something here at the office before meeting you.”
By responding this way, you’re showing her the flexibility she’s requesting, but you’re not being a pushover because you’re establishing a new situation that works even better for you.
If she agrees, great. If she has a problem with waiting the extra 30 minutes you’re requesting (without a good explanation) then she’s not showing you the same flexibility she’s requesting.
Do you want to date that kind of woman?
Finally, if her request appears completely selfish and baseless, then it’s a test or she’s a narcissist.
In that case, bend, but only slightly; and if you get any pushback, walk away.
One of the examples we looked at a moment ago is a text that I received only an hour before a first date several years ago.
She wrote…
“So, this has been a crazy day and I’m wiped out! Any chance you’d come closer to my place instead of The Tap Room? There’s a wine bar on 5th that would be a lot easier for me.”
Now, we’d had this date planned for four days. I’d made it airtight. She had happily agreed to it.
But suddenly, she wanted me to change it up, which meant I’d be driving further, purely because she was tired.
By the way, the new bar she wanted was barely a mile from the original bar. The whole thing smelled weird.
The problem is if I had responded “No. We’re keeping it at the Tap Room” I would have come across as an asshole.
But if I’d agreed to her last-second change just because she was tired, I would have come across as too pliable.
So, I bent, but not that much. I texted back…
“I’ve actually been looking forward to The Tap Room today – they have my favorite beer. Let’s keep that as our spot, but I’m happy to push back our start time 30 minutes if you want to catch your breath.”
We ended up keeping the original location, though it wasn't a great date. Her lack of excitement, as manifested through wanting to change the date logistics, carried over to the date itself.
But let’s say she pushed back, and responded with “Usually that’d be fine, but I’m truly exhausted, so I really just want to keep it close to my place tonight.”
If you get something like that, just rescind the offer.
Don’t do it angrily. But just take it off the table.
Remember our conversation on negotiation – she took your date invitation and rejected it at the last minute (by requesting modifications to it).
So, if she doesn’t value it, take it back. A response to that type of situation might look like…
“You know, it sounds like you’re wiped out. So, let’s just get together another time. When you’ve caught up on your rest, let me know which evening you have open, and I’ll plan a date for us.”
If she wants to see you that night, she’ll agree to meet you at the original location. If not, she’ll walk.
By the way, if you’re wondering whether rescinding the date is really the best choice, think about what going on this date would be like.
She’s just finished telling you she’s exhausted. If that’s really true, how much fun is she going to be?
How likely will it be she has one glass of wine then goes home?
And if she’s lying about being tired just because she isn’t that into you and isn’t all that excited about the date, well, that’s even worse.
Remember, don’t get hung up on any one woman. If she’s not reciprocating an acceptable level of effort, enthusiasm, and excitement to see you, move on.
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