Have you ever had that feeling?
The rush of a warm, tingly sensation that builds up in your belly, but starts from your toes, flows up your legs and all the way through your body where it eventually pours out of your mouth in a deep, pleasure-filled moan of ecstasy? Damn, that feels good.
How many of you orgasm every time you have sex?
How many of you masterbate regularly?
How many of you have feelings of shame associated with sex in general? This is very common, unfortunately, but it can be worked through!
A woman’s brain can be compared to a Chrome explorer with a million tabs open. She ALWAYS has something on her mind. She can’t turn it off either, believe me, she’s tried. Whether it is something happening at work, what she needs to do to prepare for her daughters dance, her sons class, what she is going to make for dinner, what food is in the house. It. Never. Stops. Ever. like… EVER. It can be ridiculously annoying to walk around in a constant state of never ending thought.
Men on the other had, have either on or off, engaged or not engaged. Black or white. I am generalizing, obviously, but they DO have much more linear thought patterns than we do. It’s scientifically proven!
While men tend to reside in either black or white, women maintain the entire colour spectrum. Men have the innate ability to be able to compartmentalise their thoughts and feelings. Women tend to have a broader range and bigger picture outlook.
“Women See Relationships, Men See Body Parts”Anne Moir and David Jessel, in their book Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women
No wonder it’s so hard for us to focus, relax and let go when we’re trying to get our freak on. How are we supposed to focus on getting dirty when all we can think of is whether he can see our tummy rolls from his angle, or if our hair is a mess, or what we’re going to make for dinner on Tuesday, or why Todd in grade 2 felt the need to call me fat in 3rd period gym class that one time.
The art to really incredible, mind-blowing sex is honing the ability to turn your thoughts off and stay focused and in the moment. Staying focused on the task at hand will keep you feeling sexy and confident and will, hopefully, allow you to relax into it and eventually let go.
A wise woman once said,
A couple tips to keep you focused and present.
1. You are more worried about and aware of your body than he is. He doesn’t care that you have jiggly thighs, cellulite and a bit of a belly. All he is thinking is how happy he is that he is about to get laid. He’s got a naked woman in front of him and he’s about to do what he dreams about day in and day out. He also sees how incredibly sexy you are when you are unequivocally present and confident in the moment.
** If it helps to make you feel more at ease and relaxed, create some ambiance by dimming the lights and lighting some candles. #Romance.
Confidence isn’t in the body. Confidence resides in the fierceness of your stance, your gaze and your demeanor. When you own the moment, seize the opportunity and stand in your greatness you are fiercely sexy and a force to be reckoned with. Own it.
2. Turn your damn phone off. Unless you are waiting for a life or death phone call, there is no reason for your phone to be in the room with you. Turn it off and/or leave it in another room to avoid distraction. Turn the TV off too while you’re at it. Unless you are engaging in some visual foreplay together, in which case, carry on.
3. Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not because you think it will make your partner happy ESPECIALLY if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If role playing is your game and you like that kind of deal, role with it! Otherwise, let the vocals and movements come naturally to you. Don’t be shy. Let the moans flow and if it feels good, tell them! If you like something they are doing… sayyyy it. It doesn’t have to be anything porn star-ish or crazy or out of character for you. It could be something as simple as, ‘ohh yes, I like that. Keep doing that.” Communication is key! If you’re not used to being vocal or communicating, start small and ease your way into it. It gets easier as you get more comfortable with it. Again, just do/say what feels right for you. If your partner wants you to do something differently or explore different things, talk it through. Get yourselves on the same wavelength of understanding.
4. Be prepared. Take the worry and stress of possible unexpected pregnancies (or sexually transmitted diseases) by being prepared. If you know you are worried about these things moving into the moment, you will clearly be distracted. Eliminate the distractions by thinking about those safety precautions in advance and being prepared.
Being prepared also means talking to your partner beforehand if you were thinking about trying something new. A little prep work is a decent consideration when thinking about exploring new avenues in the sexy department. Nobody appreciates an expected finger (or toy!) in the bum, man OR woman. Respect that!
5. FOREPLAY. Don’t leave out the foreplay. Working yourself up to the moment will help relax your body and get you all primed up, in the moment and ready to go. So many people (errr, men) feel it’s ok to just jump right into sex, while it’s ok sometimes (say… when you’ve spent all day teasing each other and you can’t wait to rip each others clothes off…in that case, you’ve essentially been using foreplay all day, so you should be all primed up and ready to jump each other by the time you finally make contact) most of the time though, it’s not. Men need to remember that we are not like them and we need to be warmed up. We, generally speaking, don’t have the light switch ability that they do and take some work to get things ready. Take your time.
6. ENJOY YOURSELF. Sex is meant to be fun and enjoyable. This is an intimate moment between you and your partner that is meant to build trust and strengthen the bond in your relationship. Connect with your partner. Laugh, play, have fun with it. Sex is not something that should be taken so seriously. There will be noises, things may get awkward, but who cares, roll with it.
Have you ever fallen off the bed during sex? Slipped out or off? Whoops! Banged your head off the headboard? Toy malfunctions? BODY malfunctions – hello leg cramps!! Ouch!! The noises? Ha! Honestly, how can you NOT laugh at some of this stuff.
I once kicked my boyfriend in the face so hard his nose started to bleed. Smooth position transitioning during sex is not one of my strengths. Oops.
I’d love to hear your funny sex stories!! Send them my way and with your permission, I’d love to share them, anonymously of course!