Getting Clear About What You Want In Your Life

Get clear on what you want, so you don’t limit yourself from getting what you deserve.

I realized recently that I had been limiting myself in love. Not on purpose, obviously. I wasn’t sure what I wanted or how I wanted things to look, so I just told people that I wanted to date, but nothing serious. There was truth to that, however, I wasn’t opposed to meeting the man of my dreams and settling down into something amazing. Actually, I did want to meet someone and settle down into something amazing, I just wasn’t sure how that would look, so I opted to stay safe. I chose to stay guarded to avoid getting my heart broken again. Little did I know that erring on the side of caution also put me in a position to deflect anything incredible coming my way.

The universe always delivers on what you ask for – make sure you are getting crystal clear on what you want.

I was scared of the possibilities.

I have been riding solo for over a year now. Just my kids and I and it has been incredible, why would I want to upset the balance of it all? From my previous experiences, relationships are nothing but stress-inducing, anxiety-ridden, hard work. They usually involve a lot of fighting, frustrations, and trying to organize dividing time between the partner and the kids, which generally ended in jealousy on one-side or another. It sounds like a whole lotta work and drama and, truth be told, I’m not one that enjoys drama.

TRUTHBOMB – Relationships are NOT supposed to be like that, but I literally just described each one of my previous experiences over the last 6 years of dating.

Moving forward, I knew I was not willing to settle into something less than extraordinary ever again.  Each and every one of my experiences around love has not been positive. I’ve literally had ZERO healthy relationship role models to help guide me. I’ve relied solely on life experiences, both my own and those around me, to Hollywood nonsense. From absolute toxic chaos to unrealistic fairy tales, my guide was, simply put, completely fucked.

So why not say clearly what you want, even if it is a little convoluted and confusing? Not only should you state what you want, but also explore the fears behind what it means to actually get it. Openly discussing your wants, needs, and desires should bring you to some clarity and help you figure out how you want things to look. It is a great place to start a plan.

Wait, fears behind getting what you want?

Yes. This is a thing.

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

You limit yourself in life and love because you are afraid of what things will look like once you achieve and receive everything you want in life. We get so wrapped up in our stories that we allow it to define us. What happens when our story changes? How will you define yourself then?

I believe that saying I didn’t want anything serious throughout my dating journey meant that I was stifling my destiny. My poor future husband has been just sitting there, waiting for me to get my shit together. Sorry babe. I’m ready now, I swear.

I did want to meet someone to settle down with. Even though I’ve always been scared of it, I did want to fall in love.

By saying I wasn’t really sure what I wanted, lacking clarity and direction, I have essentially been telling the universe that I wasn’t ready. I was projecting that energy out and it gave me exactly what I had been asking for – nobody worth settling down with.

Through the last few months of solitude, healing and inner self-work, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I do want a partner. Yes, I do love being on my own, but I also really love having someone to share life with. I enjoy being romantic and exploring with someone. I enjoy cuddling up next to a warm body that does not belong to my cat. I love the feeling of resting my head on my partner’s chest listening to him tell me how much he cares about me while playing with my hair and kissing my forehead.

I want this.

Seriously though, who wouldn’t want this?!

Love is a beautiful thing. There is no denying that. Love is also scary AF. Love is allowing someone to see your innermost sacred parts.

Love is getting vulnerable and allowing another soul to look into your own.

Love is opening up, breaking down walls, letting people in.

Love looks a lot like vulnerability and vulnerability means weakness, right?

Most of us are afraid of the unknown and uncertainty love and vulnerability brings, but most of all we are all afraid of getting our hearts broken. A broken heart is some of the worst pain anyone can experience. We distance ourselves from love to avoid the pain associated with it when it ends, but in avoiding the pain we also push away the opportunity for the alternative. We deny ourselves one of the greatest feelings known to humankind.

Sadly, most of us don’t have too many positive experiences of loving relationships. Most relationships we bear witness to are toxic. Most of us have been hurt, broken, betrayed, bruised, and beaten up along the way. Naturally, we’ve built up a protective barrier around our hearts. We’ve become guarded. We have walls. Walls of friggin steel.

Getting Clear.

When I finally got clear about what I wanted, when I finally said it loud and clear that I was ready, the universe delivered. It delivered just as it had been delivering before, but this time I was actually clear about what I wanted. There was no room for error. She heard me loud and clear.

I was ready to meet my forever person.

Ask and you shall receive <3

When you get clear on what you want, the universe will conspire and move mountains to get it to you. The trick is getting crystal fucking clear. Stop hesitating and going back and forth, make a decision and stick with it. Listen, I am notorious for going back and forth and being indecisive, I get it. It helps to write it all out and hammer out all the details.

Here’s some help.

A quick exercise to help you find some clarity. Grab a pen and paper and take 10 minutes to run through these questions (I’m sure you could and HSOULD dedicate more than 10 minutes to this, I mean.. we are talking about forever, right?)

  1. First, distinguish if this is what you ACTUALLY want or what you THINK you want
  2. Why do you want this?
  3. Why do you NOT want this?
  4. How would your life change if you were to get exactly what you wanted?
  5. Is this want worth more to you than the fear it takes to not pursue it?
  6. Make your decision.
  7. Ask for what you want. State it to the universe.
  8. Be open to receiving what you have asked for.


The laws of attraction and the powers of the universe are undeniable. Most people are too lost in their own world (aka stuck in their head) to actually understand what they want. It takes a lot of introspection to get clear on this. Take the time to map it out.

Do the work.

Let your intuition guide you.

There should be no rushing in this process. This is your life partner we are talking about here, take your time. It’s rather important.

Whatever is worth having probably isn’t going to come all that easy, but it will be worth it.

What are you asking the universe for?

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