As I sat minding my own business and casually swiping through the options on Bumble, I stumbled upon the profile of an acquaintances partner.
My heart sank.
My finger froze. I didn’t know what to do. I stared at him for a few minutes before taking a screenshot and quickly swiping left. Suddenly pained with guilt, as if I did something wrong.
A Little Back Story.
I know this woman. I respect her deeply. She is an incredible person and I look up to her. She inspires me. We have been friends on social media for years, we share many of the same friends, we post and share similar content. We are both empathetic, spiritual, driven women. We’ve never purposely hung out, but we have run into each other while out.
I admire her as a not just a woman, but as a human being.
So this leads me to the question…
What the fuck do you do in this situation? It’s not like this is coming from a close friend. While I have never done anything to betray her trust or give her any reason to believe that I am the type to spread rumours needlessly, I’m still somewhat of a stranger to her. She knows my character on social media, but she doesn’t officially know ME in a personal sense.
Do you tell her? Do you see if you match with him and confront him? Do you forget you saw anything and just leave everything alone?
I am almost positive he knows I’m a friend of hers. He knows who I am, whether he remembers me or not, who knows. Him and I matched on Tinder and talked for a bit years ago (never met, just messages) before her and him were ever a thing. He’s most likely seen me active on her social media and her on mine.
Now here’s the thing, obviously their relationship is none of my business and for all I know, this could be a thing for them. I know many people in open relationships, so it’s not that its uncommon. If it is a thing for them, great and all the power to them. However, if he is going behind her back, well then obviously that is an entirely different story. It’s wrong, deceitful and even though I don’t know her on a personal level, I sure as hell know she deserves better than this.
What do you do when you are in the dating world and you stumble across someones partner on a dating site.
What if you come across a close friends partner?
In the world of online dating and social media, I think infidelity is easier to come by. Options are prolific. There are many eager and willing participants. Morals and values are somewhat lack luster and questionable.
I mean, if it was a direct friend of mine I’d share the info, but when it comes to someone I know, but not well… what do you do? I’m not a meddler and I avoid drama like the plague… would divulging this info put me in the centre of it all? Is the need to avoid drama a good enough excuse to stand witness to something you feel in your heart of hearts is wrong?
If it was me I’d want to know if my partner was cheating on me, or at least making an effort to do so. As devastating as it would be, of course I’d want to know. If we were in an open relationship, I’d thank the person for watching out for me and let them know that it’s all good. No harm done.
If it was the latter and my partner was in fact cheating, I would thank this person for bringing it to my attention and giving me proof. Chances are I already had a good idea it was happening, I just needed some concrete evidence. As someone with experience with gas lighting and narcissist… hard evidence and proof is essential.
First of all, safety – if he is sleeping with multiple people behind my back, are they being safe? How do I know he’s not sleeping with someone else and bringing a disease back to me?
Secondly, respect. I expect a level or respect and honesty in a relationship and out of a partner. If you’re fucking other people and I am not aware of it, it’s an automatic deal breaker. I don’t give a shit who you are or what we may or may not have had. I’ve dealt with enough infidelity and dishonesty in previous relationships to know that if they are seeking someone behind your back, you’ve got bigger issues to deal with. In my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. Cut your losses and move on. #ThankYouNext
Back to the original question…
What would you do?
Would it matter who the information was coming from – even with screen shots? This woman and I respect each other. While we don’t know each other personally, we know that we are both solid people and making shit up to hurt someone else or sabotage a relationship really isn’t in our character.
I’d love to hear your feedback on this, please leave your comments or feel free to send me a message and let me know your thoughts.
PS. I spoke to a mutual friend about this. She told me they had actually broke up not long ago, so I wasn’t faced with the follow through, but it definitely got me thinking.