We’ve all had nightmare dates, right? Right? If you’ve been on the dating scene for ANY length of time, I’m sure you have a story or two up your sleeve. (and I’d love to hear it btw… send it over. I love details <3)
In the age of internet dating, meeting someone new can be so unnerving and… unpredictable. Dating can also be entertaining, educational (never do THAT again), foreboding (oh shit, what have I gotten myself into this time), daunting, incredible, adventurous, spontaneous… glorious. depending on the scenario, the people involved, the venue, etc., dating can amount to just about anything.
In my blogging research over the last couple weeks, I’ve discovered that people like to read lists. No idea why, but it is what it is so I’ll run with it. Lists make things easy to read and they can be fun. I can see that. I often make lists of things that need to be done, picked up from the store, or ideas / goals that I’m working on or towards. I usually lose said list by the time I actually need to refer to it, but hey… they work most of the time.
That being said, I have a couple tips for you today in regards to dating. This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch of the imagination as there are many, many more things to remember, but this is simply my take on what you should or should not do while dating. Take it as you will, like I’ve said, I’m not a professional. I’m just a chick who is very aware of how she feels, how other people feel and how certain situations make people feel in general.
12 TIPS TO REMEMBER WHILE PLAYING THE FIELD
1. Remember your dates name. Listen, we all know you’ve got a list of possible shack-up partners on the go, but please, for the love of god, give your date enough respect to remember their name. On the other hand, if they’re being a dick and you’re looking for a quick escape clause, call him something different just to piss them off. Bonus points for a name that rhymes with something pun-tastic! (in that case, please post your experience below so we can all have a little giggle with you)
2. Bring your wallet. Ladies, I understand chivalry is not dead, but sadly, most men these days don’t understand that. Hell, most men these days probably don’t even know what chivalry is. Don’t expect that your date will cover your side of the bill. Cover your ass and arrive prepared and avoid yourself a potentially embarrassing situation.
*Remember, you are a strong independent woman and you don’t need no man paying your bills. If he does, great, but don’t expect it. I’ve learned over the last few years that you should never expect or assume anything, especially from men.
3. Don’t drink too much. Nobody likes going out with the chick that gets sloppy white girl wasted, especially on the first date. This isn’t a James Arthur song, he won’t hold your hair back while you throw up (if he does AND he asks you out for round two, you MAY have a keeper of sorts, but that is debatable and to be discussed in further detail at another time). This is life and if you end up puking all over your dates shoes on the first date, I doubt you can expect that he’s gonna call you again. This CAN happen… but think about it if the roles were reversed, how would you like it if your date got shit faced drunk and puked all over you? I don’t know about you but, ‘red flag. red flag. red flag. red flag. fucking run,’ is all I’d be thinking.
4. Don’t be afraid to eat, girl. If you like food, and who doesn’t like food, eat. Don’t order a salad and then push it around on your plate for an hour before saying you’re full only to go home and binge eat an entire pizza. Not cool babe, not cool.
5. Avoid talking about your ex. You’re on a date to get to know someone new. There is a reason you and your ex are no longer together and your date does not need to know about it. Not on the first date anyways. If you can’t help but gush about your ex and how things were when you were together, you may need to consider taking some time to yourself before jumping into another relationship. Give yourself time to heal between partners! Relationships are hard. Breaking up is hard. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself that time to work through any pain you may be experiencing. (<– New post on this very thing coming soon.)
6. Pace yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was a perfect relationship. Love at first sight may or may not be a thing, but seriously, slow the fuck down there tiger. If you’ve waited this long to find Mr/s. Right you can wait a couple more weeks to make sure things are right and the dude isn’t a friggin psycho. Just sayin’. There is no rush to get from point A to point B. Trust me, I know this. As we get older, I know we want to cut the bullshit and just get down to business, but seriously. Take your time.
7. Speaking of taking your time… Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you. and. me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things…. sorry, I digress.
Sex on the first date… I say who cares. You’re both consenting adults, do whatever floats your boat. However, in my opinion, for what it is worth; I do morally feel it is best to wait a little bit before jumping in the sack with someone, but hey I can’t honestly say that I’ve never had sex on the first date or indulged in a little one night stand or two.. or three, so whatever I’m not judging. Other people will, but I won’t. As long as you are feeling confident about things and not feeling pressured at all, you are sober and you don’t feel like you will be guilt ridden and filled with shame in the morning, do what you want. Respect yourself, girl. If s/he wants to stick around that bad and truly likes you for YOU, all the awesome-sauce you can offer and the fact that you are one SOLID human being, and not the fine piece of ass that you (also) are, they’ll be willing to wait a couple extra days or weeks to get down and dirty with you. If they’re not willing to hold off and wait with you and won’t respect your decision… BYE FELIPE. You don’t need that kind of influence in your life.
8. Just be you. Please, for all things holy, just be you. You are incredible and amazing and beautiful and perfect just the way you are. You owe it to not only yourself, but your date to actually SHOW UP and be authentically you. If s/he can’t take it… it’s not meant to be. Cut your loses and keep moving forward.
9. If something doesn’t feel right or you’re just not feeling the date or the vibes, be open, honest, let your date know how you feel and bow out early. Either that or have a backup plan where your best friend calls or comes over on cue, because of course she’s in the same bar watching over things, and makes a scene. You should be honest though, but the latter works as well.
10. Ghosting. Don’t do it. It fucking sucks. Grow some lady balls or man balls and let the other person know what’s up. Taking an interest in someone and investing time and energy into a relationship only to have them drop off the face of the earth without an explanation is bullshit and uncalled for. You wouldn’t want someone to do it to you, so don’t do it to them.
11. Don’t play games. You are either in or you’re not. Do not confess your love and adoration for someone just to get them into bed and then fuck off without a trace afterwards. This is an asshole move and immediately sets you into black list territory. Take into consideration that you are dealing with someone’s hearts here. They’re fragile and have likely been hurt before. There is no need to cause more harm.
12. If you click, you click. If you don’t click, tell them and move on. Don’t play with emotions and don’t lead anyone on. Be open. Be honest. Be respectful. Have fun.
Do you have anything to add to my list? Send it over and let me know!
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